有一位醫生在院子裡種植樹苗，但他很少澆水，因此樹苗長得很慢。有一天他的鄰居問他，會不會因為樹苗長不快而感到擔心呢？這位醫生的觀念很有意思，他認為如果常常給樹苗澆水，樹的根部就會因為容易得到地面上的水，進而習慣淺層土壤的環境，反而無法扎下深根。因此他不常澆水，樹苗雖然會長得慢一些，但是樹根為了獲取水分，就會拚命往深處生長，因此樹就會長出很深的根，就能抵抗惡劣氣候的侵襲。這位醫生還說，他每天都會拍打這些樹。
過了幾年，一場強烈颱風橫掃當地，狂風大雨使得街上許多樹都被吹斷了，唯獨那位醫生所栽種的樹，依然結實挺立著，樹幹幾乎聞風不動，堅強地抵抗著大風。（出自 肥貓牧師，台灣教會公報，2013）
如果可以一生順利邁向人生的勝利，相信這是眾人的盼望，只是現實的世界並非如此。與12歲的你分享一個來自善牧基金會服務過的真實案例故事：
在台南，善牧有一個收容安置待產未婚小媽媽的「寧心園」，成立至今已有二十年歲月，陪伴許多未婚懷孕少女度過艱辛、無助的時刻，今年二十歲的小詠（化名）也是其中一位。
小詠從小生活在缺乏關愛的家庭，令人驚訝的是，她不但沒有因此自怨自艾，也沒有歸咎於成長環境不全，相反的，可以從她身上看到比一般同齡女孩成熟、堅強且知足的態度，還有一股極具韌性的「復原力」。
被侷限的生活圈
我的母親過世後父親再娶，不幸的是父親之後也離世了，只剩下後母獨自撫養哥哥、我與兩位妹妹。
因為經濟關係，後母無法讓我們去上課輔班，她要求我放學後要直接回家，我幾乎無法跟朋友出去，即使想跟朋友出去玩也不行，因為她覺得女生在外面很危險。除了這些規定，後母不准我把家用電話給朋友，朋友也被禁止來家裡玩，一方面是因為她不喜歡別人來家裡，另一方面是因為她認為我的朋友「看起來」都是壞朋友。在學校，我沒有要好的同學和朋友，能講話的朋友也很少，一整天只能關在家裡面看電視，完全沒有其他休閒娛樂。
後母約束我們很多事情，也會干涉我們的決定，如果她認為是不好的，就一定堅決反對到底，所謂聽話的小孩就是一切都要照著長輩的意思走，每到最後，我就會放棄溝通，因為既然都已經知道結果了，溝通也沒有用，與後母的隔閡也就逐漸加深。
我不知道要如何控制我的情緒，唯一的方法就是逃離這個環境
我與妹妹相差多歲，大人們平時要上班，我回到家的主要工作就是照顧兩個妹妹和舅舅、阿姨的孩子，有時候，同時要照顧四至五個嬰幼兒，餵奶、換尿布、照顧他們生活大小事，常常累到精疲力盡，感到莫名煩躁。當時年紀輕，每當生氣惱怒時，就會破壞家中東西，或是遷怒年紀比我小的手足，常常不懂得如何控制自己的情緒與打人的力道，導致妹妹受傷。
我知道我的情緒控管很不好，慶幸的是，升國中參加社團後就可以有藉口不待在家裡帶小孩，讓我可以遠離這個環境，情緒也得以舒緩。
在學校，我沒有要好的同學或朋友；在家裡，除了吃飯時家人會聚在一起之外，平時我不會與後媽、兄妹他們有交集，更不會聊天，通常都是各忙各的。因為身邊沒有聊天的對象，我開始在網路聊天室交友，認識了孩子的爸爸。我們很有話聊，生活上所發生的大大小小事情都會跟他說，他會陪我聊天、聽我說話，也會帶我出去玩，無微不至照顧我。
不被家人接受，只能獨自承擔
知道懷孕時，寶寶已經四個月大，而我也早已與孩子的爸爸斷了連繫，當下的我心裡清楚知道，家裡的人一定不會接受也不會給予任何支援，所以乾脆不跟家人討論這件事情，直到肚子越來越明顯，瞞不住家人的時候，才經由長期關懷我們家的社工將我轉介到善牧寧心園。
在寧心園期間，第一次發現原來生活是可以沒有貶抑、負向的標籤，我在這裡很輕鬆沒有壓力，我可以過自己的生活，不用面對家人；擁有選擇的權利，像是上課、看書或是參加瑜珈、電影賞析等園內舉辦的活動，我們還會一起做午餐，雖然我不會煮飯，但是在這過程中，邊學邊煮，也開始慢慢對烹飪產生興趣了。
待產期間，我一直思考我與寶寶的未來。打從一開始發現自己懷孕時，我知道我一定會將孩子生下來，這是毫無疑問地。但是經過一段時間的思考與評估後，我開始意識到現實層面的問題：該如何在沒有家人支持、協助的情況下獨自扶養一個孩子？有能力負擔孩子的生活開銷嗎？雖然心靈深處仍有一小塊地方在吶喊著，但是現實與理性不允許我的感性出來搗亂，我依舊是做了最艱難但也是對孩子最好的決定。我知道我會不捨，孩子未來或許也不一定能諒解，但是這是我現階段，唯一能給孩子最棒的禮物了。
找到自己的興趣，並把注意力擺在目標上
將寶寶出養後，我選擇回到爺爺奶奶家，跟著家人在醫院上長照課程，考取照顧服務員證照，我想，從小家裡長輩生病都是我一手照顧的，如果能將這項專業學起來，不但將來有機會用到，也可以把它當作是我的一項技能。
從事照服員的工作半年後，決定再多學點專業，於是重返校園，就讀社工系。現在的我，白天上課，晚上當照服員，賺取自己的學費與生活費，雖然很累、很辛苦，但是想為自己的未來爭取多一點點的機會。我認為自己要獨立，就要努力進修、提升自己能力，即使不讀書也可以找有興趣的事情去學習，進而找到適合自己的工作與生活，即使少了家人的支持，也可以過著充實的人生（林彣穎，天主教善牧基金會）。
未來的你可能會一路順遂，也可能遇到無法預測的風雨，無論如何，願你能夠在畏懼的時候認清自己，謀求補救；在誠實的敗之中，能夠自豪而不屈，在獲得成功之際，能夠謙遜而溫和，在順境或逆境中都能站立得穩。
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